I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
