it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
