He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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