dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
