tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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