do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
