belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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