He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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