Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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