Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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