she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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