apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
