She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
