if you like me you must not know who I am
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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