I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
