I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
