I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
