My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
