No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
