wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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