the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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