Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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