What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
