You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
