i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
