Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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