I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
