Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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