That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
