He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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