i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she peed on how many people?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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