Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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