Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
