Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
