PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
