On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
