WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
