I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
