I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize