He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this hospital has no fireball
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
