I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
