You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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