So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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