Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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