she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
