I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
