standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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