it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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