I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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