unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
