do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
