You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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