we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We need to get me chipped asap
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
