My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
