Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
