this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
