we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
