I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize