i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
