I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
