It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
