yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
