She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
