guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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