I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
