I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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