i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
