the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
