I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's like heaven, but drunker
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
