my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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